"Even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you." Psalm 139:12
What is it about the dark of night that seems so scary? Why do children wake up terrified in the middle of the night? Why am I afraid to run by myself at night, but completely confident to run while the sun shines? Darkness seems to be the threat - it threatens my security and my ability to see what is coming.
In an attempt to explain to a friend where the Lord is taking me, I shared a vision. In this vision, I started out surrounded by friends and family that was surrounded by darkness, but the Lord's presence was a beacon of light around all of us, allowing us to see the next steps to take. In my life, some of my most important relationships have started changing...yet it feels like they are being stripped away from me, leaving me completely alone in the darkness - a deep darkness where I cannot even see my hand in front of my face. In fact, it feels like I am being counted on to take the next step and I don't know if I will be stepping off a curb or a high dive. While I feel completely alone in this, I know this not true. The Lord is with me and knows exactly where my foot will fall next and even it was off a high dive, He would see me through it! (Besides, it's just water underneath anyway, right?)
"Let him who walks in the dark, who has no light, trust in the name of the Lord and rely on his God." Isaiah 50:10b
This morning I woke up in the EARLY morning darkness and in the midst of trying to fall back asleep (failing miserably, I might add), I started to worry. Actually, my mind began to race. First, I thought about Youth with a Mission (YWAM) and the money I still need to go out to Spain and Northern Africa. Then, I thought about my car and how I will deal with it if I don't come back to the United States for a long time. Then, I thought of my health issues that need to be taken care of and I don't have the time or the money or the insurance. Then, I thought of my best friend, Joel, and all that he is wrestling with. I thought of my missionary friend, Bonnie, and how I need to be praying for God's direction in her life. I thought of people I need to connect with. I thought of my parents and how much they are hurting with my leaving and not knowing what the future holds. I started to worry about what people think of the life the Lord is asking me to lead! I started to hear, "IRRESPONSIBLE - that's what they (who's "they"?) will call you...People aren't really going to support you for missions work. What are you thinking?"
Hmm...that doesn't sound like God...sounds more like the Accuser of all of our souls. So, in order to not give into despair and "woe is me" thinking, I opened my Bible and found some GREAT stuff in Isaiah. Read this!
"Before I was born the Lord called me; from my birth He has made mention of my name...in the shadow of His hand He has hid me...
He said to me, 'You are my servant, in whom I will display my splendor. It is too small a thing for you to be my servant...I will also make you a light...that you may bring my salvation to the ends of the earth.
I will not forget you! See I have engraved you on the palms of my hands...those who hope in me will not be disappointed. I will contend with those who contend with you. Do I lack the strength to rescue you?'
Because the Sovereign Lord helps me, I will not be disgraced. Therefore have I set my face like flint, and I know I will not be put to shame. He who vindicates me is near. Who then will bring charges against me? Let us face each other! Who is my accuser? Let him confront me! It is the Sovereign Lord who helps me. Who is he that will condemn me?"
- Excerpts from Isaiah 49 - 50
No comments:
Post a Comment